[Preceding post: Celestial Life]

Make ready now for dreads untold, in man’s bleak life the trails unfold;
In death we make the mortal grave, but carnal flesh: the greatest knave
Undead – like zombies – with flesh alive, for flesh and spirit ever strive.
You are reborn yet vengeance comes… up from the earth to collect her sums.

And now finding myself in a dichotomous state, wherein I lay beneath the earth dead, yet rose above it, living; wherein the spirit rises to the heavens, but my roots sink into the dust – a state in which I am redeemed… yet await the redemption of my body – there comes a peculiar conflict within me.

For I had been barren, but Isaac had entreated the Lord for me, and life was sprung forth in me; but now the children struggled together within my womb, and I cried to the Lord in my anguish: “If it be so, why am I thus?!”

And he said unto me: “Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.”

And I heard behind me a deep, low, growl as of an angry wolf; turning to look behind me, I saw Reason – the red fox – though now more powerful than a fox; he appeared in his features (as in his voice) more like a wolf, and he stood as large as a draft horse. His eyes narrowed to slivers as he bared his fangs at me, and crouched, ready to spring at me in an instant. I looked at myself, and beheld that I was as a little sprig of a tree, and no match for the ravening wolf before me… he was the greater, the stronger – the elder of me… yet I could not let him do as he intended and take the place of my life. Yea, though my flesh was buried, and my psyche taking the mastery of it, yet now was that psyche (my soul) empowered, and vaunted itself the principal of my being, over also my spirit.

Reason leapt upon me, knocking me hard to the earth, and opening his great jaws sank his long teeth into the sides of my head, his bite fully engulfing my face. Now thus holding me in place he began beating my body with his fists. Striving as well as I could to fend him off, blocking what blows I could, and reaching up to tear fistfuls of his fur from what parts of him I could reach. The struggle within is no mere sibling rivalry, it is an hand to hand melee unto death, and the winner takes all. So Esau, my soul stove not merely to best me, but to fully conquer my stripling spirit.

Saliva dripped onto my face at the crushing vicelike grip of Reason’s jaws on my skull, his teeth like long thorns piercing my scalp. All I could see was the depths of his hungry throat.

And so, as I peered down into Reason’s belly, I found me small… ever so much smaller than I was as compared to Reason, himself… for Reason, too, was small at the entry of the great expanse which he showed me. I saw mankind was as the great globe of the earth, and I was of lesser mass than the smallest speck of dust upon it – some submicroscopic bug where all humanity was a great metropolis of growing spires, towers and expanses. Her religions, kingdoms, institutions and empires comprised an immense complex network of man. But these which composed the great globe of the earth were of such small import in the light of the great Sun – that far yet more immense, larger, and greater network of that kingdom of Christ.

I saw the power men had one over another, and the power that the synergy of their dealings grew into. For man is not alone, but in community groups, organizations, institutions and governments are established, and these comprised of some collective consciousness foment into powers in the earth. These powers congeal into greater and comprise and so the spires of man rise ever higher and higher. They are greater than an individual, and become like living things, unstoppable forces with all the power. Yet what right have they to become so? It is merely on the merit of the congregant conglomerate – and that power which organizations are believed to have, they are granted of the whole. And they reign in the earth.

As I struggled against Reason, I began to feel some coiling tentacle begin to grip my ankle. Realizing this motion amidst the pain of my struggle with Reason, I attempted to yank my foot free of the slowly tightening grip. The motion of the tentacle was not sudden, but entirely smooth – it seemed to have anticipated my attempted motion against it, and did not seem, or behave startled but with calm control, it simply tightened its grip. The tentacle continued to coil up and around my leg with the same slow, smooth, steady and firm force.

Though my head was held in place by Reason’s gripping bite about my head, I rolled my eyes down to see what had gotten me. I looked down in time to see a sleek, yellow eyed serpent sinking its fangs into my leg while staring at me with patient eyes. No! I knew this creature – it was not the dragon in the earth, it was the crocodile I had seen from the boat: leviathan’s shadow.

I shouted into Reason’s mouth, and pawed at him with my hands to get his attention, and alert him to the serpent, which was now, also attacking me, but to no avail. Reason was in the rage of bloodlust against me, and soon the venom put me back to sleep to the serpent’s presence and I abode in the throat of Reason.

I beheld all things in the light of the eternal judgment; for prisons and the judgment houses of this earth are but the darkened shadows of the reward of all things at the end of the age – yet are of the same conglomerated authority at their root as all institutions of men; nevertheless, ‘there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God’.

Men have the power to create councils and render judgments to the utter decimation of the lives of those subject to them, and have power to cast you into solitude, or the deep nightmare of assaults and terrors with no place of escape, deciding the remainder of the destiny of one’s life. Yet, these are not those to be feared: who can kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do (but then… is it not enough?); but He who has the power after killing the body to cast into hell – deciding forever the inescapable judgment: that prison of fear and suffering that has no end or reprieve.

I saw that eventually those who conspire unto the great tribunals of men who wrought wickedly and erroneously would be judged with judgments that they, themselves, had rendered. But what of those oppressed by them, whose lives were utterly cast unto the dogs, and lived out their lives in terror and torment? And I considered the least, and the greatest of my transgressions. For I am a great sinner unto the light of Truth, and yet am no criminal unto the civil structures of man… but why? (And nay, for at any time, could not laws in the land be issued that made me an outlaw?) If I am worthy of the eternal judgment, am I not also worthy of the condemnation of man, and destitutions in this life? And how is it that a man or council of men can have such power allotted to them to do thee harm? The power of men is, indeed, power – for it is over the courses and directions of the affairs of men’s lives.

Nor can the judges utterly control one’s punishment, for they pass sentence and care not how the sentence, itself, may cause further punishment beyond their judgment rendered. For if it be just that a man be beaten once for a crime and sit some five years in solitude, yet how shall his family fare without him? And so they are punished, too. And, also if the carriage of their justice puts him in place to be further assaulted or tormented than that which is just for them it is no matter to the judge, for other prisoners are in the same state, stolen from their families and cast all into one place; and I perceive that many innocent are punished, and many wicked go free… and though the eternal judgment renders unto men their just rewards, so still man is trapped in the earth, locked in a realm of corruption as long as he lives.

Is a man surely worthy of the judgment rendered? And if they are, what if they do, indeed, amend their ways and receive forgiveness of God? Yet their earthly judgment still is rendered unto them.

So I beheld that decisions matter for a judge can decree judgment in the earth, which then is rendered per the decree. And this has further ramifications, for sometimes judgment is rendered more severely than intended, and sometimes less so. Your deeds have weight unto the life and death of yourself, and all those around you. If a man like my brother can commit the deed of homicide upon himself, then decisions surely matter, for it was not God’s sovereignty, but the sovereignty of man, and his acts that prevail in the earth. The True freedom of freewill gives man the opportunity to do right, and to love his brother – and if he does wrong there are life and death consequences. The truth of freewill is a terror beyond reckoning in the mind.

My soul became a churning, roiling cauldron of despair – for the vice of Reason’s grip made me see every action, every thought of my heart in the eyes of the eternal judgment. I should rigidly constrain myself to a legalistic lifestyle, and so be saved! But, no! For no matter my righteousness, man has power over me to render wrong judgment, and could I not become that next innocent man whose life is unjustly stolen away from him, and he sent to a place of constraint? So I should do right in the eyes of men! But no! For the eternal judgment cometh, whose reward is greater – and more terrible – than any accounting of the councils of man; and that judgment can come at any moment.

There are the judgments of man, but the judgments of God are greater! And so, should I not look unto the Word for my reprieve? But alas! As I stared down the throat of bitter Reason, and the waves of my soul were churned from beneath, casting up muck and mire, and every vile thing from the depths of my heart and mind, as Reason’s grip on my skull tightened yet more, piercing my head with painful pressure, how could I consume the Word?!

Oh, let it fall upon me as in the days of old, when its waters refreshed, and fed my soul! But in these days, finding myself rather in the grip of my own soul, even these words of life were a terror unto me! Do you not know that Satan quoted God’s word to Christ? Do you not know that the Word spoken by any other spirit than the Holy Spirit is not unto life? The Letter killeth – it is the Spirit that giveth life to the Word.

As a thorn goeth up into the hand of a drunkard, so is a parable in the mouth of fools.
No, even reading God’s word, if it be fused not with the Spirit of Christ becomes as a thorn that goeth up into the hand.

Every judgment was mine, and every falter; beholding the wickedness of my heart and mind, Reason convinced me that every promise of wrath was that which was yea, and amen unto me, and none of the blessing – for I am Judas, the betrayer of Christ! I have sold my Master for thirty pieces of silver. I may be no civil criminal, but if the councils of saw the uttermost depths of my wicked heart, surely I would be found worthy of the vilest of punishments, but how could ever I bear it?

Was mine the New Life in Christ, since my flesh had been put to death? But man… man had rejected, and goes on rejecting any manifestation of the Spirit through this weakened vessel.

Yea, man… one man has more power over the life of another than the dragon ever has, or will; for the serpent (yes, the serpent! I recalled her presence, making its way up my leg…) the serpent seeking to slay Adam had not the power to kill him, but deceived him unto the judgment of death. Howbeit Cain rose up and laid his hands upon Abel and spilled his blood. So the devil himself cannot kill you – he only can lead those who follow him down the path of death; but a man found on his path can cut the throat of the righteous, and drain his blood in the earth. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

And for just a moment, I could see beyond Reason’s gullet; catching a glimpse through the Seed (that spiritual eye), I realized that though I was in the constraints of conflict within my own soul, yet my spirit was in the realm of Truth, that lush wooded vale far above the realms of the dust whence I received the Seed. I had made it to the foot of the tree – yes, I stood at the feet of the man named Truth (for all people who hope to enter paradise must climb his back to get there). I had grabbed hold of his rigid body in order to start my ascent, but I found that his flesh was as hard and sharp as the stone of flint with which I had circumcised my heart (for it is truly the same substance). I had merely grabbed hold of Truth, and yet the very unchangeableness of his flesh had cut my hands to pulpous shreds, the pain did not remain in my hands where the wounds were found, but shot intense stabs through my arms and into my torso. Why must it be so painful? Why so trying?

But the path to paradise is no easy course – we must labor to enter into His rest for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

And eternal damnation is upon all those who make not the journey.

Coming back to my present state (such as it was) I discerned that Reason’s attack was weakening… or perhaps, rather, I was growing stronger. Albeit Leviathan’s shadow had continued creeping up me though I had forgotten her presence. Ah! But now I had become willing to call her by name, for she is the Fear of Man.

And I saw that the seed of Eve, that seed called faith is born of the fear of God; also that the seed of the serpent, called doubt is born of the fear of man. “YE SHALL BE AS ELOHEIM…” declared the serpent, and the exultation of man’s assumed divinity became a course of action.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
The fear of man bringeth a snare.
The fear of the Lord tendeth to faith unto salvation.
The fear of man tendeth to pride unto destruction.
The serpent has power in my life as long as I fear man.
The Lord works in my life when I put faith in Him.

Receiving rejection from man is a true wound, indeed, for God has made His ecclesia, and was it not to be received of men, and to receive them that He came and shed His blood once for all? And so the hearts of men are to be knit together, and not torn asunder; and the councils, judgments, and ecclesias should be honored. Yet what of the man who is wrongly accused? For the prophets, verily, where alone in their fellowship with God, yearning that men would come unto God and be reconciled as they had been but were, rather, cast off, abused and murdered as righteous Abel by their beloved brethren.

And what of me? For God had spoken to me – and in the light of the eternal judgment, how could I resist? Yet no man of my kin, or kindred did trust that word He had spoken to me. Now was I, in their eyes the transgressor.

Yea, but fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. But if it be so, why am I thus?! For God may verily call a man, but men have the power to reject him called! I, like Jeremiah am pinned between the rock of Ages, and the hardness of man.

The devil cannot take my life, but if he succeeds in killing Purpose, my beloved, and dearest mate – then he has succeeded in taking all away, and it had been better if my life were removed than to live a hollow man without Purpose. It is the utter destitution of prison to be without him. Can man take my purpose from me, can his punishments (right, or wrong) steal Purpose away from me? There is no greater terror. But this is the fear of man. Rather fear Him that is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. And,
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

And so with this new strength I grabbed hold of Reason’s jaws from either side of my head, pulling them apart until my head was free of them. Then staring him in the eye, I commanded him sick the serpent. My soul finally beginning to come into obedience to my spirit, Reason turned his attack upon Leviathan’s shadow, which had already begun to lose her grip of me.

He sank his teeth into her smooth scales. Surely, I would love to report that he instantly killed her, but just as she continues to plague you, so also though I see her, still to this day do I fight her.

Part XII

[To follow this allegory from the beginning, click here]