Disillusionment. That’s where we started in the last post.
I think that every Christian comes to a point – ussually not long into their experience – where they see a dichotomy between scripture, and their own experience. Every new believer (or old one, for that matter) who reads the book of Acts begins to wonder why it is that we don’t see the same consistent supernatural phenomena that is described in said book.
As I’ve briefly mentioned my background, being raised in a setting that had (at least to me) the semblance of deep *and genuine* spirituality. I had the taste of God in my mouth… I think honestly, one of the best things we can minister is the savor of the presence of God. As it is written: ‘Taste and see that the Lord is good.”
The taste of honey to a hungry man is especially sweet, and we have the tendancy to fill the appetite that we have developed. Any new believer has developed the taste, for the seal of God has been set to his/her heart; (BLESSED ARE THEY THAT HUNGER AND THIRST FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS, FOR THEY SHALL BE FILLED!) unfortunately, there is now a battle waging in the new believer for that deeper, thicker, and heavier substance, and the modern Christian experience.
So it was with me, even as I attempted to convey before – albeit I am learning even now of the blessedness of that heritage I have in the Lord, and that satisfaction for our hunger cannot be first found without (where we would expect to find it), but within the seed of our salvation. If we but percieved that our salvation was the seed whose life is in itself, which will produce after its kind, then we might know that it is this very seed which causes us to thirst for those deeper things of God – and that the rain comes only from heaven, then would we not seek for man to water it.
So I left my narrative in this condition: as I sought a return to deeper spiritual things, I had come upon (and been rather duped by) some Hebrew Roots Christians. By these I had sensed hope for the movement of the anointing by returning to the prophetic types of the Old Testament, and in this condition had come accross another group who seemed to operate in deeper spirituality, moving in the gifts of the Spirit, exalting in the anointing, but who also seemed to be in excess; appearing not to give appropriate weight, or reverence to the power of God but rather revelled drunkenly about in it.
I was in search of spiritual fathering.
I had signed up to go on a short-term mission with this latter group. Another appeal to me from among them – as I had been convinced under certain elements of compliance to the culture of Messianic Judaism – was that they were pro-Israel, and not at all opposed to taking types of the Old Covenant.
Shortly before leaving to join the program, I had a dream.
The dream in brief: I had joined the team, but a certain gentleman I knew who represented an un-reliable spirit had also joined the team. I was concerned from the outset, because I knew his character, and felt that he could not be trusted. Nevertheless, we went into the field of labor, and we got to just such a point that we needed everyone pitching in, and helping in the work when – true to form – this gentleman up and left, putting us in quite a lurch.
I took note of the dream, thinking it may have some relevance (and the reason you are reading about it in this narrative is that it did – that which occurred in the dream in type happened exactly in reality, but that in its proper time:), and shortly went down to Florida, where the training for the mission team was.
The opportunity was an immense blessing, and one of the things that occurred while down there was that I had a revelation of the grace of God. In my searchings (and in my taking up some of the Hebrew Roots perspective, which perspective (despite what some may tell you) assuredly tends toward legalism (though I thought I was beyond it, being Spirit-filled Pentecostal, and seeking the power of the Holy Spirit) as I mentioned, the seed of our salvation is sufficient for every further thing in God which is True. What we sow, we will also reap: sow the Law, and you shall reap in legalism.), I had gotten legalistically bound. The group which I was now affiliated with had this thing greatly in their favor: ZEAL, which zeal presented itself practically in the form of immense liberty – liberty (I think) to a fault it may have been. Yet I had fallen in the ditch on the other side, and surely needeed some corrective revelation.
I recall some interesting suspernatural occurences while training and ministering with this group. At one point (atually before the training portion occured) the team had been housed at a church, we were gathered in the morning, and praying/ worshipping together in one of the side buildings of the church when we began to feel wind in the room. I (and others) tangibly felt wind blowing on us, yet there was no open door in the building, no fan, and the Air Conditioning was not yet running as it was still early in the morning (which things I thoroughly checked and verified, personally). At another point a young lady came into the church during a time of worship, and had oil running from her fingertips; this, again, I was able to personally verify – I spoke to her one-on-one, she was not (so far as I could tell) fabricating a miracle, oil just kept running from the tips of her fingers; she did not try to draw attention to herself, in fact she seemed a bit embarrassed about the manifestation as I asked her about it.
On the spiritual side the training was good; we had the opportunity to operate in spiritual gifting; I found one of the greatest benefits to be prophesying together, it helped in gaining experience in knowing the voice of the Lord when He spoke – I would sometimes believe I had received something from the Lord only to discover before I could speak, that two or three others in the group had recieved the same (or very similar) word. This in turn developed confidence in us that we were hearing corrrectly. I recall praying for one woman during a church service, and believed I had received a word about her son; not having confidence that I had received an accurate word of knowledge – having never met the woman before, I wasn’t sure if she even HAD a son – therefore I told her that I believed I had a word for someone who was ‘like a son’ to her. She was confused, and seemed to be thinking about who I could mean – this led me to the assumption that she might not have a son… which would mean I had heard wrong. Finally, she said: “I can’t think of who that might be… unless you mean my son.”
There were a number of benefits to participating in ministry with this group, two of the most prominent to me was that in that time I had the perspective shaping revelation of grace, and the begining of what I’ve heard someone else describe as a ‘prophetic oddyssy.’
Unfortunately, as I’ve mentioned, I was seeking for spiritual fathering, and I sought it among men – ministers whom I percieved to be operating in biblical levels of the anointing. Jesus declared that wisdom is justified of her children – i.e. a teaching may seem strange, but its results are the real test of its validity. With that said, there were a few excesses I noticed
One of the prophets affiliated with the group was commending extra-biblical books; he was a proponent of the Nephelim teachings via the book of Enoch (a copy of which I purchased at his recommendation – afterall, “it is quoted in the book of Jude,” and “the only reason it was not canonized is because of its deep spirituality; they nearly rejected the book of Revelation for the same reason.” This error I was also duped by for a while – but some years later I found the same minister teaching that the tribulation will not come until the whole human race was corrupted by ‘demonic DNA’ (umm… demons don’t have DNA, they’re spirits; AND even if there were such a thing as demonic DNA (and I hope you, reader, can see how intrinsically racist such a doctrine is – if we are watching for demonic DNA, then anyone with peculiar genetics may be suspect; yea, wisdom and error are both known by their children) it would not matter in light of the Gospel for Christ, Himself declared: ‘…the flesh profiteth nothing.’ (John 6:63)) But the genetics emphasis, and this Nephelim error (for Christ did also say that the angels neither marry, nor are given in marriage (Matt 22:30; Mark 12:25) – wherefore Christ is right, and angels have never married the daughters of men, but these turn aside the church unto fables as it is written:
1 Tim 4:3 & 4 – For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after theeir own lusts shall heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; and they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
The same minister, when I confronted him on his doctrine of demonic genetics scorned me, and justified his doctrine with further extra-biblical sources, including Talmud; yet this minister, though teaching plain heresy in full-fruit form is still allowed affiliation with the group above discussed. (In fact, this nephelim error which leads to the strange genetics doctrine is the same ancient heresy which fabricated the fable of Lilith; it is seed that bears life in itself – error it produced in days past, and error it produces today. It will continue to grow, and power the antichrist deception. Interestingly, I find myself largely out of favor with this group, whereas teachers who advance such anti-Gospel heresies continue to be tolerated.)
Recently I heard another of this particular groups ministers (he who had set up the training and mission which I had taken part of) encouraging some of his hearers to sign up for a trip with them to Israel, where – said he – they have a relationship with certain orthodox Jews. He declared two, or three times by way of commending them that “They really love God… they really love God. They’re not Messianic, they really love, not Jesus understand, but they really love God very much.”
That’s interesting… because the New testament is pretty clear about that. ‘Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, THAT DENIETH THE FATHER AND THE SON Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the father…’ (1 John 2:23), likewise, Jesus said: ‘He that hateth me hateth my Father also.’ (John 15:23) So according to scripture the orthodox Jews who deny Jesus do not love God. They may love the idea of God, but they reject the express image of the invisible God, yet this minister commends an antichrist religion from the pulpit, declaring that they love God. ‘If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen [the express image of the invisible God, the Man Jesus Christ], how can he love God whom he hath not seen?’ (James 4:20)
But these whom I looked up to encouraged excesses, and have gone into error flatly denying plain Truths of scripture. With them, I am the one under suspician because I teach counter to these errors.
But now we begin to come to that: dissillusionment. I sought spiritual fathering, and fell to the snare of looking to man; many of those I respected – and genuinely learned from – had no desire to disciple me…. not really. To be fair, I’m not sure fully I was welcome among them to begin with, I had to work hard, and sacrifice to avail myself of their discipling. I can respect their intentions for the Lord, but what is largely created is a culture of dissillusionment. Perhaps you’ve experienced it? Of course, they don’t mean to (at least I don’t think they do), but a culture built around the miraculous can readily cease to be genuine, and turn simply theatrical. Then, once its not truly anointed, but flashy and impressive, new peculiar ideas can seem like revelation.
Don’t give up beloved if you are as I’ve been, don’t look to man, look to the genuine. Christ in you is the hope of glory. Your salvation is the seed of every genuine spiritual growth, it contains life in itself, and produces after its kind. Turn your eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith. I mentioned in my last post the sense of security in Christ when I was a child. After years of searching among men for spiritual fathering, I am returning to that security, for Jesus will never leave me, nor forsake me.
I got after a spiritual lesson there, but I shall continue the narrative HERE.